someone find a priest.

"uht oh" I said to myself as I crossed the avenue, skies clouded with only part of what you'll find in a cigarette. I patted my abdomen almost as if I had lost my keys or wallet or some other item of value. "fuck."

what was I do to do? no. no! this is not an excuse to pick up a suitable, though be it evil replacement - a cigarette.

i ignored my body's plea to return north and restore this meek effervescent of a patch. i entered work and ignored my job too.

suddenly the day spiraled out of control. my attention span was non-existent. as I accused one creative director of being an asshole for not getting me a diet pepsi as well - though he had no idea that I wanted one, and no reason to buy me one.

that was only after I firmly told an admin that he was stupid. granted I was kidding, but only today would people question my level of sarcasm or hate.

shortly after lunch, a co-worker approached me to say something that I promptly disregarded. I looked him up and down. "I appreciate your blazer over the tee-shirt look."

"Thanks" he said, smiling, thrilled at a compliment from someone as blatantly cool as myself.

"Did banana republic have a clearance sale?" I responded.

He stared at me from under his ball cap. "Fuck you." He chased me down the hallway for a small spell, myself giggling like a school girl only to disguise my fear of a dude plenty bigger than me, though not known to be of the violent type.

Still, earlier I tried playing a set of mind games with a friend only to discover that I had no idea as to what the point of those games were or how to win them, or that I was even playing them.

Later, I wrote to a friend, in a shortened version "we should reconnect. I miss you." in the queerest of ways on the queerest of places - through myspace messaging.

and while the day has gone way without shakes, anxiety, or losing my job, let me leave you with this: don't ever fucking tell me it's not that hard to quit smoking or I will pull your stomach through your throat and stuff it with cabbage before shoving it up your ass.

right now, that patch is my best friend.

and I hate you.

brought to my attention...

that I posted "Gimme More" as the song of the day Tuesday, September 27th, 2007.

I received a comment from a reader that stated "Seriously? Joshua." in a scolding matter. Which completely reminded me that I forgot to post something last night (too consumed with my new pants, Gossip Girl, and buffalo chicken stips) - (okay, this officially just became the gayest post ever.)

So consider this morning's post last nights.

First off, it was a song of the day. Yes, it's not that I'm going to retract that thought, because it was OF THE DAY. I'm already sick of it and think that America probably is too. Actually, no. My intelligence is far superior to the average American. While I can admit to what is a catchy toon (while other's, too caught up in their "I'm too indie for my shirt" can not) I can also admit when it's time is passed. Gimme More officially passed at 9:05am Wednesday, September 26th. R.I.P.

Yesterday's song of the day was actually an album: Under the Blacklight by Rilo Kiley. While I heard the disc a couple of times in early September and has dismissed it as "an interesting album with four really good songs" I've since changed my opinion and kind of can't stop listening to it. Even it's weirdest intricasies that I initially found to be, well, weird have grown on my and I regret my decision to not go see them in London or here. Boo.

Who know's what today's song of the day will be. Or if tonigt's post will be half as gay as the first half off this.

Wish me luck, as I hope it is not.

Dammit Readers, initially I thought you mean "Give me more of your blog. I love it!" but no such luck.

Like I said, it's a blog about nothing. Give it a few month and maybe you'll care. Bitch.

petition for the de-commercialization of focus groups.

Tuesday night and i have a blister on my left thumb from the Pop tart that just attacked me. Chocolate cravings attack, and lately there's no fighting back. I'm pretty sure it's due to the lack of cigarettes...that's just about it - though I think it's calming down.

Oh, what a day. Despite my hopes and dreams, my blood work came back and I am not an alcoholic. So one more month of non-binge drinking for us all. I say "us all" because well, if I'm not drinking, you aren't either. Damn, that's one good open bar come Saturday put to waste.
So today was alright. Nothing too drastic. Got some work done, watched the best week ever, found a pair of jeans on sale for $12. It really wasn't anything too major.

BUT that doesn't mean anything didn't happen yesterday - beyond TV that is.
What I'm bitching about tonight is focus groups. Evil, evil focus groups. Once again, I had some work die at the merciless 45 something "professionals" of America. Excuse me Mrs. Suburban Overweight Unimaginative? What's wrong?Can't relate to anywhere but your couch or your office which surely consists of a vending machine, half drank diet pepsi and constant judgments on those who pass by? Too fucking bad.

If this is the state of America, we're fucked. You'd think we've made great ground since 1960 (see: Mad Men) but maybe we haven't. I know women are so, so far from being as stupid as these bitches that 1. Try to make a living off of being focus group professions, 2. Say only what they think the client wants to hear (whom the client then takes as truth and agrees that it is indeed what they want to hear,) 3. Try to "help" by giving ideas about as creative as a seaside portrait on clearance at a starving artists sale at the Motel 8 and 4. Take this as the most important time for them to really say what's on their mind since they probably go home to husbands that don't want to hear that crap. Sad. Really Sad.

The question being: am I cursed? Will I ever have any work produced, or will I be fired from my job b/c I'm not doing much for 'em (in terms of production value?) Time will tell. I hope not. I don't think so. I have to keep the faith. Eventually, something kick ass is gonna happen. It's gotta.

Oh, and Reaper was pretty freakin' good. Funny. Really, really curious as to what they'll be doing with the season.

I love tv. but you knew that then didn't you.
I wonder if they do focus groups for TV shows. Probably not the good ones. The ones that get cancelled. Where are the americans that appreciate good things - like good tv spots? i don't know if they live all out east, or what. but if you're one, please let me know.

alright, that's all for the night. keep the faith, losers. otherwise life is cursed after all.

song of the day: "Gimme More" by Britney Spears. I'm not saying she's a good mother, or talented, or as hot as she used to be, but this song: catchy. I'm sure it's one verse (something about flashing cameras and gimme something - I think more) will storm the charts for a while and be thumpin in the clubs till at least thanksgiving. and no, I'm not being sarcastic.

Tomorrow: abusive drugs and their friend's habits. I'll be talking in code about my friend that reminded me that he got my post card where I wrote to him about the teenage lesbian folk club at an airport overseas. they were crying. it was funny.

life on the fringe

Find out what it's really like. As currently seen in Creativity Magazine. Yeah, maybe I'm not in there for my work, but I'm in there.

tv keeps me from masturbating.

Can you smell that? It's premier week. Whether it be a nasty fart or a beautiful rose has yet to be determined. But there's potential there, you gotta admit.

You don't have to know me too well to know you that I'm a total TV junkie. It's too the point that three weeks ago, I quit smoking. To justify my saving of funds, I got cable. The angels sang and my DVR's been filling up quickly ever since.

To my joy, I discovered that the On-Demand for all the premium channels worked. That weekend (other than working) I did some catching up. Entourage (vague yay), Weeds Season 3 (Thunderous Roar) and watched the first few episodes of Tell Me You Love Me (WTF?) At first I enjoyed the real actors playing porn stars, but by episode 3, I was bored. Super.

Last Wednesday I watched Gossip Girl. i was a big fan of the O.C. and to a certain extent am still in mourning from it's passing last season. But maybe Josh Schwartz has put a butt-plug in that hole with this one. Basically, it's Cruel Intentions the TV show. I'll leave it at that. But will it be as funny as the O.C.? I doubt it. Will "best week ever" have a new O.C.? One episode in and they're already having a hay day.

Then this weekend happened, and I discovered what will probably be my new obsession for the year. Say hello to Mad Men. The story of a New York City advertising agency in 1960.

My God have we come far.

I'm well aware that this isn't real - though they do a fabulous job of bringing 1960 back to life - the beginning of public health vs. cigarette companies, the advent of creative advertising, the cultural melee we call feminism.

I know I work at an ad agency, but now that I think about, I don't think there is a better place to have social commentary on the times play out. It reflects American culture (both in and outside the advertising) and hit puberty at the exact same time America did.

The ship is ran by a bunch of sailors in suits, woman who got birth control were obviously whores, and the best way to sell something with with a big fat star burst and price. Puke.

The sad thing is that it's still there. Not in full force, though I suspect there's plenty of people who yearn for the good ol' days - even if they weren't there. Between the sexism, the battle between creative advertising and non, and secret affairs, it's all there. But it is fascinating. If you're not obsessed with it already, get goin' and join me. Thankfully, it's already been renewed for a second season.

Then tonight, there was the big premier of Heroes. Almost done with it, but pretty good. There, as always, is plenty that I can't figure out. But did anyone else notice that one of the spanish woman in the scene in the jungle with the military truck looks like Mary Kate and/or Ashley Olsen? Strange.

P.S. The girl that plays Claire Bennet (imdb: Hayden Panettiere) is apparently some sort of Hollywood Bad Girl. I hope Perez Hilton was being sarcastic. Anyway, it's good in true Heroes fashion.

Moving on. And then Prison Break (now on episode 2) - alright, so is this season all back in the Prison again? SOMA's pretty vicious, but I don't know...I think they're smarter than that. They always are. Keep your fingers crossed that it doesn't lose it's momentum - 'cause season 2 was awesome.

And then there was this guy.
Chuck. Perhaps the hit of the season? I loved it, but don't know if I can go that far. But it's funny, charming, and I have this feeling (no, not down there) that it'll be pretty action packed. The great thing that because it's funny, it has all the potential of doing an Alias on your ass, but also a little Hot Fuzz, etc. I don't think it'll reinvent the spy genre, but it'll certainly be a fresh twist.

Oh yeah, and Josh Scwartze (O.C./Gossip Girl) created this one too. Man's been busy. But it keeps me happy. The funny thing about Chuck is that it's like Seth Cohen (Adam Brody on the O.C.) grows up and gets a job as a computer geek only to have his college roommate send him an e-mail that mysteriously downloads all the U.S. governments big secrets into his head - like where they're going to blow up that Politician?

No, seriously...it's good.

Tomorrow, I'll blog about focus groups, lackadaisical interactive guys, and Reaper. Hopefully not all three will piss me off.

Today's Song of the Day: "Icarus" by the Hours from the album Narcissus Road.

Yeah, I bit you live there. Asshole.

the first. hopefully not the last. your everything..

Hi. So that's me. I can't figure out how exactly to put the picture in the little box, so I'm gonna put it here, and then put it there. You like that don't you? When I put it all over the place. I can't promise that this will be the most entertaining blog ever. But then, that's what life's all about - the lack of promises. Or at least broken promises. Ah, there now, I'm not a total pessimist. I'm quite the opposite actually. Hopefully you'll eventually see that.

Why Eye Heard to Much? 'Cause hopefully I'll tell you a lot more than you ever wanted to know - or cared about. And your eyes are how you hear on line. Get it? I'm very cleaver. Anyway, so let's make that my first post, but not today's post. Till a moment from now.

God, I'm hot.